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Army Men: Major Malfunction is like having an apology letter tied to a brick thrown through your window

March 15, 2021 1 min read

I’m the world’s foremost expert on the Army Men series of games, and while I can see you raising a skeptical eyebrow, I have to ask: do you really want to challenge that claim? The series is something of a guilty pleasure of mine. A majority of it is mediocre, some of it is decent, but a lot of it is bad. The experience is a lot like dumpster diving; every once in a while, you might find a discarded treasure, but you’re mostly just going to wind up with tetanus and a foul smell.

It’s an interesting part of gaming history because a massive deluge of the titles hit between 1998 and 2002 before it coughed out the disturbingly depressing eulogy that is Army Men: Sarge’s War shortly after 3DO went bankrupt. The rights were bought up by Global Star Software, a subsidiary of 2K. They tried rebooting the series twice before just giving up and leaving it to be forgotten.

Army Men: Major Malfunction is the first such effort. Developed by Team 17, it at least has some pedigree, but sometimes pedigree comes with severe medical complications and genetic mutations.

Army Men: Major Malfunction is like having an apology letter tied to a brick thrown through your window screenshot

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