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Every year on this day, the most American of days, I get to thinking about video game characters that are pure, perfect, hot-blooded Americans. The kind of stone cold action heroes whose hobbies include firing guns in the air while chugging back an ice cold Coors Light.
The 4th of July is a time to stand up and loudly, obnoxiously declare "I AM AN AMERICAN!" It's also a time to discuss which hulking video game men with big guns make us feel the most American. So for your enjoyment on this beautiful Fourth, I've come to tell you all about five video game heroes who bleed red, white, and blue, and make all of us look like unpatriotic piles of trash.
