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For International Men's Day, let's honor BJ Blazkowicz, gaming's greatest guy

November 19, 2017 2 min read

Back in March, for Women’s History Month, I wrote about the world’s greatest thief, Carmen Sandiego, and declared her the greatest woman ever in gaming. She’s a badass and she taught me so much about all the different countries we’re going to go to war with over the next seven years. At the end of the piece I promised we’d talk about men in gaming, and just like a gay bachelor party, this list is going to be a total sausage fest.

Today is International Men’s Day – because you know, men need a day that’s all about them – so what better time than now to for me to rap about the swaggiest swag swag in gaming, BJ Blazkowicz.

First, let me say I am neither drunk nor Polish enough to properly pronounce his last name, and I really don’t want to type it any more than that one time, so I’ll stick to calling him BJ for the rest of this. After all, who doesn’t love BJ’s? They have an outstanding menu and the best Cobb salad I’ve ever tasted.

Anyway, BJ has been killing Nazis since Nazis were the most uncontroversial enemies you could plug into a game. Good golly how times have changed. BJ is the ultimate American success story: he is the son of Polish immigrants, he served his country during World War II and he shot Hitler in the face. If he came home from the war and started a successful small business he’d in the spank bank of every Ayn Rand disciple. In comparison, last week I ate a cheese puff I found on the floor.  

Also… look he shot Hitler in the fucking face, what else do you need? Here he is killing Hitler:

For International Men's Day, let's honor BJ Blazkowicz, gaming's greatest guy screenshot