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October 31, 2018 1 min read
[On this, the most holiest of holidays, I think we all need a good reminder that you can never really eat too much candy. Or take your costume too far. How many people must continue to suffer until we learn our lesson? The Actual Charlton Heston is dedicated to making sure we take Halloween seriously. Happy Halloween, motherfuckers. - Wes]
"He was taller than a building," insists the first man.
"He was taller than a mountain," the second interjects.
I take a moment to consider their testimonies. I think they're both full of shit; I take a bite out of a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. While continuing to ignore them, I finish off the bag of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups that I bought from the local 24-hour pharmacy. It's Halloween season. People get crazy. They claim to see all sorts of unnatural things: Mothmen, Methmen, Mothmen who sell meth. Only thing I care about during this season? The ridiculous prices for Reese's Peanut Butter Cups in bulk. Hell of a steal.
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