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August 06, 2017 2 min read
[Art by 3DROD]
First there was Brexit. Then there was Trump. Now there is... Mayo.
Despite being saddled to the less popular of Splatoon 2's leading ladies, Mayonnaise, the substance best known for inspiring rock songs, semen pranks, and rock songs about semen pranks, has managed to win the game's first official, Sea Snail awarding Splatfest. How did this happen? What went wrong? It's hard to say, but personally, I blame society.
Former Dtoid editor Topher Cantler and I played a few matches for Team Ketchup last night, so we can both attest to the fact that our teams had some of the worst players in the history of the game. I had several matches where one or more of my teammates simply ran in circles, or proceeded to move directly to the center of the stage without shooting any ink along the way. They were trying to play Splatoon 2 like a traditional shooter, which is clearly the fault of bad parenting and a culture that values Call of Duty and Halo over superior games like De Blob and Jet Grind Radio.
Still, I have to hand it to Team Mayo. Despite losing the popular vote by 73%, they played their hearts out and never gave up. Stand outs on Team Mayo include WayForward game director James Montanga and artist Linzb0t, who were rallying their team to stay in the game for much of the night. It it weren't for them, their team very well may have failed to squeak by with a victory of 52% of the wins in Solo matches, and 51% of the wins in Team games.
So great job Team Mayo! Just don't be surprised if Jill Stein demands a recount.
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